It’s about finding a way forward when life doesn’t go to plan.

I used to think resilience meant being strong whatever happened. I don’t believe that anymore.

Sometimes life knocks you flat. Sometimes you don’t bounce back quickly, and sometimes you don’t come back as quite the same person at all.

What I’ve learned is that resilience isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about taking the next small step when you can, accepting help when you need it, and slowly discovering what you are capable of surviving.

Through illness, injury and some very difficult periods in my life, I’ve learned that strength often looks very different from the way we imagine it will.

What Resilience Really Looks Like When Life Changes

For years, I thought resilience meant being strong.

I thought it meant coping, getting on with things and somehow managing whatever life decided to throw at me.

I see it differently now.

Resilience does not mean that something hasn't hurt you. It doesn't mean you haven't been frightened, angry, exhausted or completely overwhelmed. And it certainly doesn't mean that you have to bounce back immediately.

Sometimes resilience is simply getting through today.

When illness or injury changes the life you expected to have, there can be a strange pressure to “stay positive”. But there is a difference between hope and pretending everything is fine.

Living with osteoporosis taught me that very clearly. There were things I could no longer do in the way I once had. There were fears I had to learn to live with, practical problems to solve and days when progress seemed painfully slow.

What helped wasn't telling myself to be stronger.

It was learning to adapt.

Resilience can be very ordinary

We often imagine resilience as something dramatic, but some of the strongest moments in our lives may look completely insignificant to somebody else.

Making the phone call you've been avoiding.

Going to the medical appointment even though you're frightened of what you might hear.

Accepting help.

Trying something again after it didn't work the first time.

Resting when your body tells you that you've done enough.

Or simply getting dressed and facing another day.

Those things count.

You don't have to do it alone

One thing I have learned is that independence and resilience aren't the same thing.

There are times when we need other people. A friend, family member, doctor, support group or simply somebody willing to listen can make an enormous difference.

Asking for help isn't giving up control. Sometimes it is exactly what allows us to regain some of it.

Adaptation isn't defeat

Life doesn't always give us the option of returning to exactly who we were before.

Sometimes we have to find another way.

That may mean changing our routines, our expectations or even the picture we once had of our future.

It can be frustrating. It can take time. But adapting isn't admitting defeat.

It is finding a way to continue living your life within the reality you have now.

Small progress is still progress

Recovery and rebuilding rarely happen in a straight line.

There can be good days followed by awful ones. Something that seemed easy yesterday can feel impossible today.

That's why I think small victories matter.

Instead of constantly looking at how far there is still to go, occasionally turn around and look at how far you've already come.

You might surprise yourself.

Perhaps resilience isn't about being unshakable at all

We can be shaken.

We can be frightened.

We can grieve for what we've lost.

We can have days when we're thoroughly fed up with the whole thing.

And still be resilient.

Perhaps resilience is not about becoming someone who can never be knocked down.

Perhaps it is about discovering, little by little, that even after life changes us, there can still be something worth moving towards.